I'm thinking about the concepts of real life. Versus what--imaginary life? Our thoughts are formed by our imaginations. Our thoughts are formed by our identities. I am female. I am queer. I am special. I am a musician. I don't know how others think--it's part of the separateness I've talked about before that we can never really connect, only try.

By imaginary lives, I don't mean fantasy lives although that is informed by our imaginations. It's also formed by our real lives as well: largely by the frustrations thereof. I've had to deal with a moronic client who just doesn't get it today? Tonight I'm going to dream about rehearsing with my band and actually getting the songs right.

It's possibly sad that I'm so prosaic that my mind goes to the nitty-gritty of my dreams rather than the big "moments". But doesn't that make me more likely to achieve if I go after things? I really, really don't mind the hours of practice, it's just finding the time to do them.

The question is not whether androids dream of electric sheep, but whether the practical and down-to-earth can be satisfied with dreaming large dreams. I'm finding that the answer is no. Others may dream of bright lights and wild cheers but I keep on breaking it down to lighting designs and venue capacities. My large dreams are made up of small increments.