As evidenced by the long silence here, it's hard. My fickle heart constantly shifts my priorities and the banks that I thought were so stable that I could build on them turn out to be shifting sand underneath my feet.
The worst thing is that I do this to myself.
I don't know how to be otherwise. If this is me, would not doing this, even if I hate it, be not-me? I am driven by a constant need to reach out and yet I am absurdly, paranoidly protective of my innermost self.
Hence the exposing of my deepest inadequacies in public on a completely anonymous blog. *rueful handwave* I like self-excoriation, obviously.
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